“Dear Facebook”…

facebook-break-up

Dear Facebook:

I feel like maybe I should be doing this in person, as opposed to a detached, heartless online letter. We have, after all, spent a lot of time with each other over the past several years. You’ve been there for the birth of my children, my travels round the world and the intimate, awkward and even heartbreaking moments with family and friends.

Perhaps more importantly, you’ve connected me with countless individuals and entities that share in my passion for photography and photo education. You were kind—almost too kind. At times, showering me with (sometimes less than deserved) praise on a daily basis, relaying the energetic and enthusiastic words of our mutual friends, and even providing insight and critique on occasion.

We grew together—you more than me (HELLO!!!), but hey, you always had more friends anyway. I’m happy for you—really, I am. Ecstatic? Hardly. Jealous? Not even. Hurt? Maybe (sigh…)

I wish I could say it’s not you, it’s me. I mean—that always worked in the past. But this time FB (is it cool if I still call you FB despite this minor quibble?), it’s most definitely you. We used to hang out all the time. BIZ BUDDIES! Right?!? We were so good together. I’d post fancy pants pictures, you’d show all our friends and we’d all party for a couple of hours—ya know—high fives, lots of online love, a like here–a share there. We were unbeatable you and me. But suddenly, you’ve grown incredibly distant (gulp…).  FB, you’ve…changed.

I know you hate hearing this, but I feel like this relationship has grown incredibly lopsided. I mean, I come to hang out and you don’t even respond. Are you seeing somebody else? Are you even attracted to me anymore?!? Is it because I said your sister was hot? Was it my application vid for The Bachlelorette? Is it because I’m a Mormon (that’s right, I said it). Is it my teeth? DAMNIT!!! IT’S MY TEETH!!! I knew I should’ve gotten braces. Thanks for nothing, Mom.

Really though, it’s like…it’s like you hoard my posts for you and you alone. WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO CONTROLLING LIKE THAT YO!?! (Oops, sorry. Excuse the white rapper talk. Sometimes I get a little worked up…) I’m starting to question why I even come around anymore. I mean, I’ve spent so much time on us—it’s hard to just turn my back and leave, but I really feel like you’re forcing my hand here. I have…(dare I say it???) other interests. You’re not the only one in my life either you know! Is that a what?!? A threat? Yes!!! Grrrrr. Kind of. Err…sort of. Um…well, not really. I guess threats don’t work if you don’t really care. It’s more of a last ditch effort for just a little bit of attention.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, I still need you. But you’ve grown incredibly demanding. And your taste is effing expensive. I know, I know—you have your needs. Well geez FB, what about my needs?!? Did you ever happen to think that little Mr. Small Business over here in  Salt Lake City can’t afford your needs!?!

Ok sorry. It’s not your fault. Or maybe it is, but in the interest of keeping this (one-sided) conversation civil, I’ll try and wrap this up. It is, after all, your place. You’ve been so kind in letting me hang out rent-free for all these years, but I simply can’t justify the cost to “hang with the big boys”.

So…(wipes tear), where do we go from here? Ultimatum time?!? I wish. I just need you to know I still care. I want to be biz buddies again. You’ve introduced me to so many wonderful people, but we never see each other anymore. You’ve given me quantifiable return, and I appreciate that. But the gate master (yes, I’m looking at you), seems to have tossed the key, and no amount of love or attention will bring it back, sans an unfeasible amount of my hard-earned casheesh.

I’ll miss you FB. Really, I will. You might see me, though my attention will be a little (err…a lot) less devout. I hope we can work this out.

I’ll (mostly) always love you,

ABP

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